I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
