You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
