is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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