I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
