She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
