you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
