Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
