put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
