is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I understand Curling. That high.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
