Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
