wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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