I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
