My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
