Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
