I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
