Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
