My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
