lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
