I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
