You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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