It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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