So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
