Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
