Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
