don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
