i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
