Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
