By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
