my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
