please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
there is glitter all over my balls
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
