We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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