Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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