i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
