Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
