I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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