If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
