is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
