Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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