someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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