worst night to have a conscience
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
