I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
