One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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