She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
