If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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