the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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