Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
