K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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