We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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