Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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