Jerry, you need to find god
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think my fart just growled at me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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