i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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